The FAA has come under attack for air traffic controllers falling asleep in the tower. Being on a flight without contact to the ground is concerning. But, I have had a much greater worry for many years.
One of my best friends has been a controller since the 80s. He's calm, relaxed, analytical and extremely intelligent. He's also a little crazy.
We used to play golf regularly. Etiquette was a rare commodity around us. We'd play Dukes of Hazard with the golf carts and launch them off fairway mounds. We flipped many times. Our clubs would end up scattered across the course. I hit a huge drive one day and when I got to the ball, he was urinating on it. His favorite move was to sneak up behind me when I was putting and give me a nut shot with his club.
This behavior can be classified as mischievous. But, he told me a story one day that, if made up, is hilarious. If he was telling the truth, is unnerving.
Here's the story he told me:
The government requires me to get a psychological checkup every year. Last time I went I got bored and decided to have some fun.
I told the doctor that was having a disturbing dream. In my dream, I was on the monitor with a Delta flight heading to Miami and TWA on the way to New York. They were on a collision course. I kept calling for Delta to change course. They wouldn't respond. I called out to TWA. I couldn't get them on the radio either. I kept trying to get them to avert. They wouldn't answer me. Then, they collided.
The doctor told me that due to the stress of my job, such nightmares are common.
I told the doctor that he didn't understand. I had an orgasm.
Enjoy your next flight.
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