WALMART HUNTER'S FIELD GUIDE

I Went to Lupe’s Tacos tonight and met Steve G. and Lyle.  After a few Corona’s and carne adovada , Steve started telling deer hunting  stories.  After a few more Corona’s the subject turned to women. 

It’s hard getting quality dates over here in Radiation Springs.  Online dating, personals, bars, church, etc. etc.  Things just hadn’t been working for Steve or me.  Lyle, has been married since he was in kindergarten.  He really couldn’t relate, but came up with a great idea.

“Why don’t you guys take your hunting skills and apply them to meeting new women.”

Genius! 

We decided we needed a large area to work.  Big Box stores would be a natural fix.

WalMart is my “Happy Hunting Ground”.   There are so many divorced women with low self esteem and relaxed moral attitudes.  It’s a target rich environment.

Preparation is key.  Setting your tree stand up on a pole  in the sporting goods department gives you a good view of the field.  It’s also good location because management thinks you’re a sales display

Make sure you’ve got a view of the housewares department.  Cosmetics, linens and electronics are also good areas to keep in your field of vision.

There is always a congregate. around the grocery department.  Putting a salt lick near the margarita mix is always a good idea. I  look for any lady with a limp.  Cut them from the herd and their all yours.

Set up cameras at the nail salon.  They are immobilized while in there.  Be careful, though, French nails will cut your worse than a raptor’s talons.

Steve like’s to follow their trail through  the different departments. 

Catching one coming out of sporting good and heading to electronics guarantees a quality hunt.  They are a little faster than you average patron, but usually have more money.

It is frowned upon to shop in the liquor of pharmacy departments.  It’s not very sporting.  However, it’s late Friday night,  and you’re also drunk.  Go ahead.

Never hunt women with fawns in tow.  You bag a woman like that, you will end up having to take care of their progeny indefinitely.

Hunting in the liquor department is frowned upon.  It’s almost like poaching.  The hunting is way too easy and not considered good sport.  If you’re drunk  and/or  desperate exceptions can be made. 

There is no need for a license needed.  There is not limit.  Get out there boys.  It’s huntin’  season!

Special thanks to Lyle Kennedy and Steve Garcia

The Great White Hunters